I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
