Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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