I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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