Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
