tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
