Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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