dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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