If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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