Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
