My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
