I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
