two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
