dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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