1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
