so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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