who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
