Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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