It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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