I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
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