Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Welp...herpes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
