Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
