News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
