He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
