So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
