Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
