Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
