never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
