is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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