When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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