who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
