Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
