Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize