he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
