so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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