Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
