Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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