At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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