We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
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is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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