remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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