i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
