New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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