Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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