i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
