I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
