four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
