totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
