Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
third nipple confirmed
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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