dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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