this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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