Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
