Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
