Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dicks are not precious.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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