hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
