Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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