I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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