Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
