I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
