I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
