just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
