I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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