they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
