I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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