yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
