I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
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Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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