Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
