Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
