That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
