Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I need moral support for this bender
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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