You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
