Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
