Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
