I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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