remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
